Monday, May 10, 2010

Always Feel Guilty

I always feel guilty when I get whiny and nervous and anxious about things that are so little in the scheme of other peoples' things.

I have my second treatment of Zometa tomorrow. The doctor won't be in, and so I don't get to see him before the treatment. Maybe that's why I'm having more anxiety about it; I won't get to cry on his shoulder first.

Today I got to explain to a lawyer who is handling my injury case from 2008 (!!) what the prognosis for Stage IV metastatic breast cancer is, and why I can't go back to work. I don't think he asked because it matters to the case, but out of kindness, or whatever...but it stressed me a little. I feel like I have to justify myself to the world, as well as the Disability Insurance company. And then, when asked what my treatment is, I think I look like a big baby since my treatment is not chemo. And I don't want to post this particular whine on because compared to what others are going through there, I am a big baby to get worried about just Zometa, and only being on Femara...

So tonight, I feel conflicted. Conflicted and guilty again. I hate guilt, and I hate feeling conflicted. 

And I hate facing my stupid infusion without a doctor visit first to shore me up.

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