Saturday, March 19, 2011

Any volunteers?

I am feeling the desire / need to vent and whine, but can't decide upon whom I should inflict it. 

Lists are nice...

1. I realized late afternoon that I forgot to take a medication, and that was why I was feeling dizzy. I took it, but still have that gyroscope brain feeling, and also feel tired and cranky.

2. An important email has not been returned. 

3. Trying to hold on to feeling calm about my insurance path, and not let anxiety overwhelm me.

4. I'm sliding into "old". I'm not cool, even if I pretend to be. I'm not even pulling it off in my own mind anymore. And my face is fat.

5. I hope I feel better by morning, because at this point, I am too tired and dizzy to deal with small children, and too anxious and cranky to deal with adults.

6. Do I have a BFF? I don't even know. Is there a BFF in the house?

7. Change is hard. Even the slightest change in the routine of life functions is difficult for me. I like to fix things once and have them ride smoothly from then on. And forever.

8. I didn't start cooking the chicken that needed cooking today until after 8:00pm. That makes for a late dinner, which doesn't help the ol' sleep patterns any.

9. Thinking I may as well round this out as a list of ten now. 

10. Increased pain that I am debating whether or not to tell the doctor about. If I tell him and minimize or rationalize it, he'll ignore it. If I tell him honestly, he may want a scan. I think the bones are what they are, and scanning them again isn't going to do anything more than cost me money and assuage my curiosity. I have decided that I should go ahead with the Zometa next week. 

There. I wrote it out, shed a few tears, don't really feel much better, but no longer feel the need to directly bother anyone with it.


Anna Rachnel said...

I hate that you have to go through these medical decision processes simply because healthcare is so effed up in this country. You're not ranting or whining. You're telling it like it is. The world needs to hear more of this kind of truth. I'm listening. I have a kind of a personal question for you. Does my favorite breast cancer organization offer you any assistance with your treatments/medical bills? I'm praying the answer is yes. If not, then my issues with them just grew. My email contact is on my blog if you want to tell me the answer. Words are obviously inadequate, but sending you my best.

Shelli said...

Anna, I think that there is actually not a whole lot out there to help someone in my socio-economic position. I do have help in find the best insurance bridge to get me to Medicare in six months. Your blog is great, and I admire your energy!! Thank you for reading!