Thar She Blows...

I had a root canal today. After consultations with three different branches of dentistry, I finally got it done. The hold-up, of course, being the fact that, thanks to bisphosponate treatment, I am at high risk for ONJ (osteonecrosis of the jaw).

[Y'know what, Spell-Check? If you don't have a suggestion, stop red-lining me; I'll spell it any way I please!]

I calmed myself in the face of the root canal with the promise of nitrous oxide. Laughing Gas. I've had such pleasant experiences with it in the past, that I was actually looking forward to an hour or so of blissful deep space out-of-body floating. I thought this may well be my first moments truly pain-free in over 2 yrs! I remember feet and hands disappearing in the past, which would mean no leg aches and peripheral neuropathy in my feet for a little while.

It started out okay, and I asked the assistant to turn it up a little. I could feel myself starting to float...

Then the nausea hit me. I've never had that happen before. Deep breaths, off came the nitrous mask (luckily the doctor hadn't actually started yet) and try though I did to suppress it, I spewed. Not just a little in my mouth, but projectile vomiting. I think I hit the wall. Seriously, I saw a girl wiping it. Several heaves into a trashcan later, I was a mess, and so, apparently, was the room. Two assistants helped wipe me up and I made my way to the restroom, holding onto walls.

I hate throwing up. I hate throwing up in the privacy of my own home. I hate it so much, that when I was a child, I really think I talked myself out of it. This was SO embarrassing. Being half-high on nitrous at the time only made it slightly less embarrassing. It was mostly water, so luckily it didn't SMELL like puke, or I didn't notice that it did, at any rate. But I made a mess for people to clean up and I wasn't in control. This may have been worse than poo-ing on the floor in the hospital (twice), since, at least the hospital room wasn't carpeted, and they have a janitorial staff on hand.

I had to have a little more water to get the bitter taste out of my throat, and I worried that this would make me nauseous again. The assistant turned the nitrous back down a bit, and then I started stressing that I wasn't going to get any effect at all.

Then everything got spinney. In through the nose, out through the mouth, I hoped to get past the spinney. I got upset that I had a) thrown up, and b) may not be getting the full nitrous experience I had so been looking forward to.

In through the nose, hold it a bit...

To my annoyance, I then began to rehearse in my head how I would blog this once I got home.

Deep breath...

The assistants in the back office space were chattering away like 14-yr-olds. How was this breaking through my wall of nitrous? I only wanted to hear the doctor's voice, that point I was approaching when my stomach objected.

Finally, I started relaxing; hands and feet relaxed, legs relaxed. I was blocking out everything but the doctor. I felt close to a snooze, but knew they would wake me if I actually did nod off on nitrous.

After what felt like a mere five minutes of this blissful state, the doctor was finished.

The procedure was over.

They took away my mask and left me to breathe regular air, and come down from my high. I felt rather cheated out of my full blissful experience, and angry that I had thrown up. Spewed. Painted the wall. Tomorrow I have to call the other dentist to make an appointment for the permanent filling. I'm afraid to ask for nitrous, yet I hate dental procedures without it. I can't even take the Novocaine shots until I'm a little under the influence.

I came home tired, physically and emotionally. I wanted to lie down. I got comfy and started to nod off a bit and, BAM...RLS ruins the nap again. Something has got to be done about this foot and leg thing. I threw down the gauntlet at Femara on Friday, and removed it all from my pill sorter. No more. On to something else, worse I am sure, as I think that Faslodex shots are next, but I cannot do this achy, jumpy legs and tingly feet thing anymore. I know, I am blaming a lot on Femara, but my legs, my feet and my SLEEP were all getting better over the few months I was on Aromasin, then a month and a half back on Femara and I am losing my mind!

It hit me the other day that all "THIS" was for keeps. It isn't a treatment to get through, and then recover from. I started feeling down, then impatient, then frustrated, then grumpy. I don't want to push myself when I don't feel like doing something. I don't want to feel worse after the pushing anymore. I don't want to put myself through unpleasant things. I don't want side effects from meds that are worse than the disease. Time for a heart to heart with the doctor, I guess.