Thursday, July 19, 2012

Day 38. I think. Two days into the latest dose-drop. I'm down to 15mg. Have not had a good couple of days. I think the antidepressant I've been taking that hasn't bothered my legs before is bothering my legs. I cut it in half to see if the legs get better. The worse thing in the last couple of days has been this crippling anxiety I wake up with. Early early in the wee hours of the morning, I wake up like a child afraid of boogie man; you know, how you curl up in a ball and don't move a muscle. The idea of getting out of bed and facing the world  (even the living room, for that matter) is terrifying and I get those jumpy feelings in my stomach. By yesterday afternoon, I felt better, but it happened again this morning. I haven't been crying so much lately, but this terrifying anxiety feeling SUCKS! Again, I'm feeling like I will never get through this down-dosing, and fear that I'll get through it and things won't get better. What if it's the Tamoxifen? What if I'm just going crazy? What if my legs don't stop hurting? I hate it. I need to get through it. It needs to be over.

PET scan results were good. SUV rate up in several spots, but no new spots noted and no spread to organs.

My dear friend Kathy passed away this week. She had been in hospice for several weeks. She was prepared and I felt peace at the news. She had stopped treatment (liver mets) in December. Her doctor had estimated 3 months, and it was 7. Thank heavens she wasn't in a lot of pain, and was comfortable at the hospice where she was.

I have a blood draw tomorrow,  and oncologist appointment Monday. I think he'll be okay waiting longer on Tamoxifen results given the PET results.

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