Monday, August 31, 2009

Why does everything have to be so HARD???

I mean seriously! I could be dying here (my new favorite phrase) and I can't get logged into the bank website, or my 401k website, the patient assistance people wanted the rest of the stuff they need from me TODAY! It's stuff I am relying on other people to get for me; I'm not magic!

Oh, yeah, my new favorite word is "effing", as in, "Why does everything have to be so effing hard?"

Calm down people, I'm SLOW...BRAIN SLOW...and STRESSED!! I just feel like screaming today. Well, if I had energy.

Seriously, it would be easier to die next week and not have to deal with all this!! CRAP! I know, no one likes to hear me talk like that, but those are the people who aren't dealing with this!!

I wonder if dying from this is painful. I hear it is. But then they hospitalize (ugh, and catheterize) and drug you up good. At that point, I will insist on Demerol, cuz they are probably going to be afraid to give me morphine after the losing consciousness thing in the hospital. The doctor's notes say it was probably from narcotics. No mention of the Ambien...which is what I think contributed. Well, when I'm dying I'm going to want narcotics, NOT Ambien!

I can't cope with deadlines. I hate finding things. I hate paperwork. I don't know how I am going to pay ANYTHING on short term disability (55% of your pay) OR long term in 2 months, which is still only 60%...whine whine whine....I just don't know how to cope! or what to do! I'm not good at this! DAMN IT!


Ana said...

I HATE paperwork too. My vision of hell would be me, having to sort through years of tax papers and receipts. No, it's not easy, life really does stink at times.
The money thing is huge. Today, on National Public Radio, a man was talking about how his cancer was the least of his worries. His biggest issues were getting his disability payments and keeping up with the rent and other bills.

shelli said...

This man totally gets it. Did I mention that dying next week would mean a lot less paperwork and make things (bills) a lot simpler? Ugh. It's really hard not to be depressed.

Mary said...

Yeah, it does suck. Really, I wonder if the stress from all that paperwork will be what kills you, and not the cancer at all? And how DO we pay all our bills on 50% pay, when 100% pay wasn't enough in the first place? I still don't have the answer to that question. When K wasn't working, we didn't pay some bills at all. Who cares about collections at that point? I have a few dust bunnies they're welcome to . . .

Anyway, I'm sorry. I wish there were a magic wand for all this.