I don't want to have cancer anymore, I don't want to hear all the "survivor" crap that's out there, I just want to disappear.
Every commercial on TV is about something that depresses me either because of my current financial situation, my illness, my fears of worse illness, the knowledge that I will never be able to fix up my house, buy a new car, on and on...
My sister helped me today call one of those counseling help lines to help you apply for lower interest rates on your mortgage. Sounds like it's going to work out, but it was so depressing. They even asked if I had a room I could rent out...sure, I said, if I kick my son out! Don't they think I'd have already thought of that if I had extra space?? Don't eat out so often...dollar menu at McDonald's? Groceries for a meal cost more than that! You can't eat healthy when you're poor, you can't eat what you should to help your body fight cancer when you're poor.
I just want to know why I have to still be here!! Scan coming up...I hope it has spread wildly. Someone tell me what I had to stay here to do, and let me do it already! I really feel like I'm on the verge of losing my mind.
2 comments:
I love you. I pray for you.
The only thing I can think of that will help right now is read your scriptures and go for a walk EVERY day. Do it in your robe and tiara if that makes you feel better.
You will feel better if you do them though.
I wish I knew what to do to magically make it all better. I love you.
Hang in there Shelli ... I have a scan in a couple of weeks and I'm going a bit crazy too.
Hoping for the best!
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