Insert 1 suppository per rectum twice a day...

Seriously. Dole them out to everyone in the family? Or do some folks have more than one? I didn't make it up...it was on the label.


Doctor day today! From the primary care, stronger dose of Zoloft and hooray for the suppositories...I don't care if it's gross to talk about; they may save my life. Just swallowed my first shot at the new Zoloft dose. Let's just see if I feel sleepy soon...


Also saw the oncologist...the lovely Dr. P. He got a little freaked about the 1mg of Xanax. Hello sweetie pie...I told you that last time I saw you. He said I had Xanax (with the morphine and Ambien) the night of my "incident"...yeah, probably .25mg. The proverbial pat on the head. I am really convinced it was the Ambien. I've been taking a mg of Xanax for like a year or more. I asked the Primary Doctor, and she didn't bat an eye at it. I asked her if it was OK, or too much. I think she is of the opinion, if it helps, go for it, and obviously didn't consider it dangerous.


I asked him more of my silly paranoid questions. He said stay off the Internet and away from google late at night, to stop worrying about my prognosis, etc, until after the PET scan, which (YEA!) they are going to schedule for the first week in October. I told him about the crying in bed and he made that cute sad face that I just love.


He also assured me that Femara is the FIRST LINE of defense, the FIRST THING to do in cases like mine. I kept reading mention of chemo (which, hello, I'm NOT asking for) and wondering if I was just beyond hope and that's why we were doing what we were doing. He assured me no.


To break it down:

• Femara is the FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
• Chill out until we see what the scan says
• Stay off the Internet late at night (he said, "I know how you get")

He is the best. I just love him. Oh, note to self to get that blood drawn tomorrow that I didn't get drawn for him today. I hope Lola is working, otherwise I will cry and carry on and maybe hurt someone at the lab. Good excuse to go to Starbucks though.


I saw one of my nurses from chemo in the hall. Even the nurses had heard about my "incident" and said I had worried them.


Between the "straining" in the bathroom, which I try not to do, and the crying in bed, the muscles in my sides, right below my ribs are sore. Oh I hope I sleep well tonight. Brad turned my mattress for the overly-used side is not the side I'm sleeping on. Had a bit of a nap earlier. A couple of hours. Oh good; I just yawned!


Even though I cried at both doctors, I do feel better tonight after seeing them and getting more stuff...hopefully better armed to handle this crisis.


I will post an article that I printed for Dr. P. It was one of the few with any info in it, and encouragement. Here is the part I really liked:

"For those who have metastatic disease, life becomes very complex. No matter how many supportive people are around, metastatic disease is a lonely experience. Emotions felt in the first newly-diagnosed, active treatment phase of recovery, are felt again but more intensely. Fear, Anxiety, Anger, Depression. Remaining hopeful, fighting feelings of helplessness, becomes a full- time job, no matter how many diversions life offers."

It goes on with some encouragement but staying healthy, immune system, etc. I'll post the whole thing.


Oh, I also called for an appt with Dr. Lovejoy. Haven't heard back though. If he doesn't call tomorrow, I'll call and make sure I gave the secretary my cell # correctly.