Wednesday, September 9, 2009

What to do with your time after you ring the effing bell:

Lovely title, suggested by a dear and funny friend.

So they have this bell that you get to ring on your last radiation treatment day. Yesterday I told Becky, who had driven me, that I was not ringing the damn bell the next day, that I'd get some old fart to take my turn. Today, I asked my guys if I HAD to ring the bell, and shared that yesterday I said they couldn't MAKE me ring the damn bell...John lovingly explained to me that the bell wasn't just for me...it was for everyone in the lobby, to give them hope in the light at the end of the tunnel, to know that someone made it through. Very tenderly put. What a guy. I said, ok, for them I will gladly do it. I gave it a good ring and turned around and took the applause. I told people good luck on my way out, smiled and shook some hands. If it made some people feel good, people who are really sick, people in scarves because their hair is gone; if it gave them cause to smile, then thank you John for the explanation and the opportunity to do that for them.

Today was also my last physical therapy appointment. No more trips to radiation, no more therapist coming to the house. What WILL I do with myself without needing to set an alarm clock and shower? Will I shower? Will I get up? It's a very good question indeed. I HAVE to find something. Holy crap, I've been depressed enough when forced to get up and participate a bit in life! I gotta find something.

I wrote notes and took them today to all my radiation people. They all gave me wonderful hugs. What great people, not just doing a job, but giving service as well.

I have some new pain. In the base of my tailbone, and in my left flank? (that's what the PT called it) I call it lower middle back. I've had quite a bit of pain meds today because it was pretty bad earlier. This one is freaking me out a little because in that location, it could mean an organ. Or not. I dont' know. Wont' know until the illusive PET scan, which apparently won't happen for about a month, since I'll still be simmering, and we'll want a good picture of what the radiation has done. The right hip was actually feeling pretty good today, but that could have been the drugs talking.

In order to avoid lapsing into whining and complaining, that's it for now.


1 comment:

Mary said...

Oh, that is sooo sweet! I'm so glad John was back for you. I think you should get up and get showered, then head to the pet shop to look at the puppies. That's always a good picker-upper. Just don't bring anything home! LOL!