But I think I have forgotten how to go to sleep, even when I feel tired! My family doctor added Celexa and Klonopin, kept the Zoloft, and asked if I wanted to keep Xanax just in case. I didn't think I would need it, but this afternoon I got anxiousy-panicky, so I took one. I feel tired, but tried going to bed and my head would not quiet down. Last night I was up until 4:00am because I had a bunch of caffeinated soda (stupid me), and slept VERY late. Maybe I have to ease my way back in to the two wonderful nights when I slept, the two days after I got the new meds. If this keeps up, I will have to try an alternative to Femara, which is the next option.
I still don't have all my paperwork done. Or bills to doctors taken care of. Or mortgage situation resolved. I had a thought, while praying before I didn't go to sleep, that I need to get all this done, and get all those irritating details "in order" so that the full measure of my creation can be fulfilled, if that's what the hold up is. I know; that sounds like I still want to die. But that's not what I mean. I just mean being ready. 5-15 yrs BEST scenario? I need to be ready.
I have accepted the "more years" part of this. Come to grips with the living on and on dealing with crap. I just have yet to embrace it. SO many people have health trials so much worse than mine, and face them far more cheerfully and helpfully...like my blog friends who do so much. Today I showered, even washed my hair...with shampoo, and put on clean undies...but no bra, and wore my house dress all day. I think that one of my challenges is the ADD tendencies, combined with the depression and anxiety. I'm kind of a mess most of the time.
I did dress up and attend a really fun family block party for Halloween. I'm so glad I made it. Friends are great!
A dear friend posted a quote on FB today; haven't googled to verify the attribution, but I really liked it. Made me think of being in the Cancer Support group, and finding others with METS.
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." — C.S. Lewis