Thursday, February 26, 2009


It's 12:13am. I have to get up and go to work in 5 hrs. I can't sleep because of the pain from my sciatic nerve. Three months now, it's been, and despite the chiropractic visits, the pain is still my constant companion. So I'm up, unable to sleep, sitting on an ice-pack.

I am worn down. Physically, emotionally, mentally. My body decided to cave a little this week and I caught a cold to go with the leg pain. I missed two days of work. I can't miss a third. I am having a cortisone injection on Monday. I hate needles. I cry every time I have blood drawn. That's how desperate I am for this pain to be gone.

If the shot doesn't work, then take me to the vet and have me put down. Send me to the Big Farm where I can run and be free. I'll be happy there, with all the pets parents have sent there over the years.

I've been very close to getting a cane. I am cranky, but I'm not a brilliant diagnostician, so I can't go the HOUSE route. I have not obtained a cane because I know that when people see a heavy person with a cane, they think, "she's so fat she needs a cane", while when they see a normal-sized or thin person with a cane they think, "poor thing, she must be in pain".

I hope the shot works. I'm teetering near breaking point.