Medicare? (and more whining)

I've been stressing out BAD...all I can see is that there is a 24 month waiting period for Medicare once you are on SSDI. I could be dead by then! COBRA payments will kill me if not the damn cancer. No, it will be the COBRA payments...people with more than just bone METS live on and on...good for them!

Another questions...seems like all the effort and aggressive treatment go into original breast cancer, but then when it comes to METS, even recurrences in the breast, it seems like the "wait and see" approach. I understand how liver and lungs are difficult to operate, but if I get a tumor in my breast, I'm gonna say TAKE IT OUT!!

I've decided that it's definitely the Femara that has to go. I missed a couple, and those are the nights I slept well. When I take it, I am up LATE! I wonder if changing the time I take it would help?

Feeling very overwhelmed, like I'll never get to that point when I can concentrate on my chronic debilitating illness, like the overwhelmedness will just keep popping up, and never end.

New Prescriptions;

But I think I have forgotten how to go to sleep, even when I feel tired! My family doctor added Celexa and Klonopin, kept the Zoloft, and asked if I wanted to keep Xanax just in case. I didn't think I would need it, but this afternoon I got anxiousy-panicky, so I took one. I feel tired, but tried going to bed and my head would not quiet down. Last night I was up until 4:00am because I had a bunch of caffeinated soda (stupid me), and slept VERY late. Maybe I have to ease my way back in to the two wonderful nights when I slept, the two days after I got the new meds. If this keeps up, I will have to try an alternative to Femara, which is the next option.

I still don't have all my paperwork done. Or bills to doctors taken care of. Or mortgage situation resolved. I had a thought, while praying before I didn't go to sleep, that I need to get all this done, and get all those irritating details "in order" so that the full measure of my creation can be fulfilled, if that's what the hold up is. I know; that sounds like I still want to die. But that's not what I mean. I just mean being ready. 5-15 yrs BEST scenario? I need to be ready.

I have accepted the "more years" part of this. Come to grips with the living on and on dealing with crap. I just have yet to embrace it. SO many people have health trials so much worse than mine, and face them far more cheerfully and helpfully...like my blog friends who do so much. Today I showered, even washed my hair...with shampoo, and put on clean undies...but no bra, and wore my house dress all day. I think that one of my challenges is the ADD tendencies, combined with the depression and anxiety. I'm kind of a mess most of the time.

I did dress up and attend a really fun family block party for Halloween. I'm so glad I made it. Friends are great!

A dear friend posted a quote on FB today; haven't googled to verify the attribution, but I really liked it. Made me think of being in the Cancer Support group, and finding others with METS.

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." — C.S. Lewis