Finally, yesterday afternoon came...scan results are in...and we are still bone-only. No organs involved, no lymph nodes. Cancer marker numbers are good.
I was not as happy as I should be. I know, I just don't want to deal with everything that goes along with a disabling, life-threatening disease. Mary helped me with some paperwork last night, and I feel a little better about that.
The doctor was happy, but I didn't get to answer all my questions as he had to go take a phone call from another doctor, for which I assume he was waiting. He was not able to tell me whether the bone-only cancer has spread, shrunk or stayed the same. I am hoping that they sent a picture to the radiologist so she can compare and tell me when I see her in about an hour.
To answer a question that I didn't adequately answer on the phone this morning; the pain for which I had the palliative radiation is greatly improved. The hip is good and walking is easier. Still using the walker, and new pains crop up all the time, but the hip was the worse and it is definitely improved.
During my original breast cancer, I commented once that I knew I was going to survive it, and get through it, as I was sure that life had more torture in store for me. Well, I was correct...and I'm not getting out of this one easily either. In the words of Billy Joel, only the good die young. I had a thought this morning that I am not good enough to get out of this life easily, regardless of how much I have, to this point, suffered and endured. I didn't get to grill the doctor yesterday about life expectancy, but I'm seeing him again in just two weeks. He wrote 5 yrs somewhere on my disability paperwork, and someone heard 20 months in the ICU in the hospital. He's been very evasive with me on that issue.
So how do I feel today, after that news yesterday? I am just not sure. I feel tired, facing who knows how long an ordeal with the bone, which is no cake walk, and only gets more painful. I feel frustrated, wondering what the hell I am going to do with myself to combat the boredom and lack of interest in everything. And of course, still overwhelmed with all that with which needs to be dealt. I feel a bit calmer, with the knowing, I suppose. I slept well last night.
So it looks like I'll be around for quite a while. A while anyway. I'm going to have to bug him more when I see him again, and insist that someone do a comparison, if the radiologist hasn't done it today.