Antibiotics for a respiratory infection during radiation to the spine and pelvis, topped off with a stomach bug was a bad idea! I am happy, however, to announce that, for the first time since before Easter, I had normal poo. I guess I'm finally getting that good intestinal bacteria built back up. Thank goodness! Buh-bye and boo-yah, stomach bug.
Showing posts with label radiation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label radiation. Show all posts
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
What to do with your time after you ring the effing bell:
Lovely title, suggested by a dear and funny friend.
So they have this bell that you get to ring on your last radiation treatment day. Yesterday I told Becky, who had driven me, that I was not ringing the damn bell the next day, that I'd get some old fart to take my turn. Today, I asked my guys if I HAD to ring the bell, and shared that yesterday I said they couldn't MAKE me ring the damn bell...John lovingly explained to me that the bell wasn't just for me...it was for everyone in the lobby, to give them hope in the light at the end of the tunnel, to know that someone made it through. Very tenderly put. What a guy. I said, ok, for them I will gladly do it. I gave it a good ring and turned around and took the applause. I told people good luck on my way out, smiled and shook some hands. If it made some people feel good, people who are really sick, people in scarves because their hair is gone; if it gave them cause to smile, then thank you John for the explanation and the opportunity to do that for them.
Today was also my last physical therapy appointment. No more trips to radiation, no more therapist coming to the house. What WILL I do with myself without needing to set an alarm clock and shower? Will I shower? Will I get up? It's a very good question indeed. I HAVE to find something. Holy crap, I've been depressed enough when forced to get up and participate a bit in life! I gotta find something.
I wrote notes and took them today to all my radiation people. They all gave me wonderful hugs. What great people, not just doing a job, but giving service as well.
I have some new pain. In the base of my tailbone, and in my left flank? (that's what the PT called it) I call it lower middle back. I've had quite a bit of pain meds today because it was pretty bad earlier. This one is freaking me out a little because in that location, it could mean an organ. Or not. I dont' know. Wont' know until the illusive PET scan, which apparently won't happen for about a month, since I'll still be simmering, and we'll want a good picture of what the radiation has done. The right hip was actually feeling pretty good today, but that could have been the drugs talking.
In order to avoid lapsing into whining and complaining, that's it for now.
So they have this bell that you get to ring on your last radiation treatment day. Yesterday I told Becky, who had driven me, that I was not ringing the damn bell the next day, that I'd get some old fart to take my turn. Today, I asked my guys if I HAD to ring the bell, and shared that yesterday I said they couldn't MAKE me ring the damn bell...John lovingly explained to me that the bell wasn't just for me...it was for everyone in the lobby, to give them hope in the light at the end of the tunnel, to know that someone made it through. Very tenderly put. What a guy. I said, ok, for them I will gladly do it. I gave it a good ring and turned around and took the applause. I told people good luck on my way out, smiled and shook some hands. If it made some people feel good, people who are really sick, people in scarves because their hair is gone; if it gave them cause to smile, then thank you John for the explanation and the opportunity to do that for them.
Today was also my last physical therapy appointment. No more trips to radiation, no more therapist coming to the house. What WILL I do with myself without needing to set an alarm clock and shower? Will I shower? Will I get up? It's a very good question indeed. I HAVE to find something. Holy crap, I've been depressed enough when forced to get up and participate a bit in life! I gotta find something.
I wrote notes and took them today to all my radiation people. They all gave me wonderful hugs. What great people, not just doing a job, but giving service as well.
I have some new pain. In the base of my tailbone, and in my left flank? (that's what the PT called it) I call it lower middle back. I've had quite a bit of pain meds today because it was pretty bad earlier. This one is freaking me out a little because in that location, it could mean an organ. Or not. I dont' know. Wont' know until the illusive PET scan, which apparently won't happen for about a month, since I'll still be simmering, and we'll want a good picture of what the radiation has done. The right hip was actually feeling pretty good today, but that could have been the drugs talking.
In order to avoid lapsing into whining and complaining, that's it for now.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Griping, Whining and Tears
Sorry, that's pretty much all I've got. I griped and whined all day on facebook yesterday, since, no, I didn't have anything better to do for Labor Day, then got up in the middle of the night to apologize for it. I had forgotten I decided to keep the sad stuff here and just be funny on facebook. I must say, though, that having a superior following my blog makes me feel a little stiffled. I'm sure I've whined things I don't care for work to know. So, before we go farther, everyone reading, please raise your right hand and repeat after me:
"I understand that the author of this blog says whatever the hell she pleases, that sometimes she says things that aren't really as big as she makes them out to be, because, well, she could be dying here. If I choose to continue reading this drivel, I will take it with a grain of salt, not tell HR, and laugh when she's funny and whenever she says "hey, I could be dying here..."
OK, some things ARE big deals. Life really sucks right now. DES needs proof of my disability status with work in order to process my request for AHCCSS assistance, and my short term disability, which should have kicked in about a month ago, has not yet sent me a check. OK, my doctor's office was a little late getting us the forms we needed to send them, but it's been a while. I was told they were cutting a check on Friday, but today their system said my claim was still pending. I am out of money. The hospital maxed my credit card when they asked me for more payment while I was hopped up on morphine. Prescriptions are running out and I really need to see my primary care doctor (for better prescriptions, of course). Every night I cry before bed. Every time I think about all this, I cry. Everything will be fine in a few months, I hope, but I don't know how I will get to that point.
Had my next-to-last radiation treatment today. My other guy, John, was there! I was so glad to see him again. I saw the doctor after my treatment. This scan issue is making me crazy. She says they won't do it for about a month after radiation is over, so they can make sure they capture progress. Apparently I keep nuking even after treatments stop, simmering, so to speak. I think I got a big dose today. I slept almost all day after getting home. I didn't make my phone calls, which were all to doctors for appointments for which I do not have copays available currently, so I got depressed and went back to bed. Woke up shortly before 8:00pm to my 18 yr old son asking what was for dinner...as if at that age he can't forage for himself! And when, in the last month and while, have I handed him dinner?? We have tons of left-overs from the wonderful meals that have been brought in; it's 9:00pm and he finally remembered a piece of chicken he had put in the freezer from one of those meals.
One of my running-out prescriptions is zanax. The one that keeps me semi-sane. The one that lets me sleep. I took a partial dose tonight to save some for tomorrow. I hope I can sleep tonight.
Listening to my "theme song" on my play list. Awesome song...some of the words (the chorus/refrain) I find comfort in:
Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more
Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you!
Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry (don't you cry no more)
I know; I'm a sap and a whiner. I added this song to my play list because they played it on a TV show the other night, and it's my era, and it's awesome...and then felt touched and shored up by some of the words.
I had something else to whine about, but now I can't remember what it was and gosh I hope I can get back to sleep.
"I understand that the author of this blog says whatever the hell she pleases, that sometimes she says things that aren't really as big as she makes them out to be, because, well, she could be dying here. If I choose to continue reading this drivel, I will take it with a grain of salt, not tell HR, and laugh when she's funny and whenever she says "hey, I could be dying here..."
OK, some things ARE big deals. Life really sucks right now. DES needs proof of my disability status with work in order to process my request for AHCCSS assistance, and my short term disability, which should have kicked in about a month ago, has not yet sent me a check. OK, my doctor's office was a little late getting us the forms we needed to send them, but it's been a while. I was told they were cutting a check on Friday, but today their system said my claim was still pending. I am out of money. The hospital maxed my credit card when they asked me for more payment while I was hopped up on morphine. Prescriptions are running out and I really need to see my primary care doctor (for better prescriptions, of course). Every night I cry before bed. Every time I think about all this, I cry. Everything will be fine in a few months, I hope, but I don't know how I will get to that point.
Had my next-to-last radiation treatment today. My other guy, John, was there! I was so glad to see him again. I saw the doctor after my treatment. This scan issue is making me crazy. She says they won't do it for about a month after radiation is over, so they can make sure they capture progress. Apparently I keep nuking even after treatments stop, simmering, so to speak. I think I got a big dose today. I slept almost all day after getting home. I didn't make my phone calls, which were all to doctors for appointments for which I do not have copays available currently, so I got depressed and went back to bed. Woke up shortly before 8:00pm to my 18 yr old son asking what was for dinner...as if at that age he can't forage for himself! And when, in the last month and while, have I handed him dinner?? We have tons of left-overs from the wonderful meals that have been brought in; it's 9:00pm and he finally remembered a piece of chicken he had put in the freezer from one of those meals.
One of my running-out prescriptions is zanax. The one that keeps me semi-sane. The one that lets me sleep. I took a partial dose tonight to save some for tomorrow. I hope I can sleep tonight.
Listening to my "theme song" on my play list. Awesome song...some of the words (the chorus/refrain) I find comfort in:
Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more
Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you!
Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry (don't you cry no more)
I know; I'm a sap and a whiner. I added this song to my play list because they played it on a TV show the other night, and it's my era, and it's awesome...and then felt touched and shored up by some of the words.
I had something else to whine about, but now I can't remember what it was and gosh I hope I can get back to sleep.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Radiation Station
Ok, it rhymes...
I just wanted to say how much I appreciate the people at the radiation office. When I first started going, while an in-patient at the hospital, there were John and Sam. I was wheeled down on a gurney (that's what they do with in-patients) and therefore had to get from gurney to radiation platform-table-thing. They slid me over on a back board, and then when it was over, reversed which was higher and slid me back. I'm not a small person. I was a bit nervous about being dropped. Sam let me hold on to him and they promised not to drop me. And they didn't.
My first full week after release, they were both there. John always held out both hands to me to steady myself, and they were both always in such good spirits. Sam always has a hand squeeze or a shoulder pat for me. He has no idea how much that means.
The third week (I guess this was when everything kept breaking down) I came in on the ONE day it worked, and John was not there. I found out he was only filling in for someone who was on vacation! I was very sad. He made me feel so safe and secure, and ok.
I still have Sam, who also makes me feel safe and secure, even though he often has to see my big white ass when I get off the table to pull up my pants. The other day, I started crying a little at the end. He saw and said, "No need to cry; we'll be here tomorrow!!" haha. What a guy.
These two people are examples of the cream of the medical field crop. Thank you John and Sam for being there for me!
I just wanted to say how much I appreciate the people at the radiation office. When I first started going, while an in-patient at the hospital, there were John and Sam. I was wheeled down on a gurney (that's what they do with in-patients) and therefore had to get from gurney to radiation platform-table-thing. They slid me over on a back board, and then when it was over, reversed which was higher and slid me back. I'm not a small person. I was a bit nervous about being dropped. Sam let me hold on to him and they promised not to drop me. And they didn't.
My first full week after release, they were both there. John always held out both hands to me to steady myself, and they were both always in such good spirits. Sam always has a hand squeeze or a shoulder pat for me. He has no idea how much that means.
The third week (I guess this was when everything kept breaking down) I came in on the ONE day it worked, and John was not there. I found out he was only filling in for someone who was on vacation! I was very sad. He made me feel so safe and secure, and ok.
I still have Sam, who also makes me feel safe and secure, even though he often has to see my big white ass when I get off the table to pull up my pants. The other day, I started crying a little at the end. He saw and said, "No need to cry; we'll be here tomorrow!!" haha. What a guy.
These two people are examples of the cream of the medical field crop. Thank you John and Sam for being there for me!
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