The New Year...2010

Who ever thought we'd get to the year 2010!! Now do we just say "in the year '10"?

I know I still owe my blog a story and update on my wonderful Disneyland trip, and possibly the last doctor appt, oh yeah, and then there's Christmas...uneventful. Christmas for me is about singing in the choir, and I'm thankful to have been able to do that. Also Disneyland at Christmastime was Magical. More on my special experiences there later.

New Year's Eve...went to a party tonight at some friends' house. Sang karaoke for hours with my Great Cousin Jim (his mother is my great Aunt, so that makes him Great Cousin, right?), who IS great, and had fun doing that. Kept my mind off other things. I was getting very down before I went over there. I'm stressing over mortgage, bills, looming need to file bankruptcy, trying to modify the mortgage through the "making home affordable" plan...it had better work. It all just brings up so much to think about. Seriously made me start thinking about dying again. 2010 might be a good year to die, but of course, since I look forward to it, and know they have less paperwork on the other side than we have here, I'm sure I'll hang around for 12 more years or so...or go insane first. It's really too much to handle, and my Disneyland Magic space of denial has just about worn off. I don't suppose wearing mouse ears and tiara every day is very socially "cool". Not that I care, but there is a point at which people start considering commitment. And I'm not talking about a relationship...haha. I really have no feelings of looking forward, fresh start, or any of that yadda yadda...I may sleep very late tomorrow.

Promise the Disneyland stories soon.


(Me at Disneyland; tiara and Bug's Life awesome 3-D glasses. I totally wanted to keep them.)

Warning: Gross references contained:

Sleeping again, and that is a plus. Back on all the meds, and the upped dose of one from the Dr is beginning to kick in. But, I'm on a bad schedule since I don't have to get up for radiation...sleeping LATE, often taking a long nap, then not being ready for bed at a decent hour.

The hemorrhoids / post irradiation IBS (I made that up) / finicky stomach is still driving me crazy. I have brief partial days where I think I may survive it, then...wooops! And speaking of those suppositories, I am sick of sticking my finger in my butt. Yep, I said it. Karen, take note. Oh, and I think I forgot to mention that on Friday, I was out driving Brad somewhere, and got that urge...clinched until I got home, but was too slow walking, and of course, it's hard to clinch and walk...long story short...I pooped my pants. Exhausting ordeal, the whole thing. I called my sister and cried for quite a while, then took a long nap. Woke up at 9;00pm. It was awful. And while we're on the subject...I love farts. I very rarely trust them these days, but when it's truly just a pressure-relieving fart, it's so great.

Trying to chill, as I promised the doctor. I'm doing a pretty good job, as far as the diagnosis / prognosis goes. I'm so stressed about bills and paperwork and applications, that I teeter on the brink of shutting down. Becky is going to come tomorrow and take me to get my blood drawn, which I have procrastinated for a week, and help with some phone calls. I love her.

One of the stressful phone calls, the one from the insurance company, was actually from this Wellpoint program where they give you a nurse/case worker type thing. (Well, until I lose my insurance in a month.) I spent an hour and a half on the phone with her the other day. The one that was from the disability company never returned my message!

The nurse person from Wellpoint suggested coloring for stress relief and occupying one's mind. Sounds great, and I am planning a trip to Michael's tomorrow for coloring books and crayons.

OK, one little worry, which I have relegated to "ask Dr. P" when I see him...in February, when I had the MRI on my lumbar before the pain center did the epidural injections, they didn't mention anything hinky. I would REALLY like them to take a 2nd look at the films, and look for cancer-type hinkiness...because what I'm wondering is, if there were even tiny cancer cells at that time, whether they end up seeing them or not, did injecting my back with steroids send them into a growth frenzy???

I went out last night. Barely made it; geez, hair, make-up...to karaoke at somewhere close to here that was (erroneously) recommended. Jamie and Ray met me there, then Joy, David and Josh came. It was so fun being with everyone, and I did sing once. The rest of the music chosen by the senior citizens in attendance just about put us to sleep, but I do have to say, they have a kick-ass sound system, and he adjusted it for my voice, and made me sound great. Except for the part of that song I always screw up and miss the key...